The truth I hold,  took years to unfold, locked up and never told. Now I speak for I am done being weak.. A story I will tell, awaking the pits of hell. Pinned against the wall,  being 14 years a little small..  Tounge against my cheast you can imagine the rest.  Touching, feeling, my eyes rolling to the ceiling. I push away, forced down, I am here to stay and pray. Nights always full of fright..  Kissing, *******,  non stop *******.. Crying,  weeping, always happened while they were sleeping. Was I that bad of a girlfriend? Why couldn't I speak? Tricked into the arms of a pervert…  sitting in a chair he was. Smiling by the messyness of my hair and my eyes stained by the streaming tears.. Nobody cares about you he said, cutting my wrist wishing I was dead.  He's right you see, all these years no one ever gave a **** about me. A puppet I am to him, dangling limb to limb. The years pass on by, I have no tears left to cry.  I escaped this hate, no More videos to tape..  Visits became less and less, I am staring to grow up a mess. Drinking here, smoking there, my life is hard to share, making friends with the drunkies, partying around town like diseased monkeys… every day that goes by, I feel ashamed and left to die. I tried to share my story to those that I trust, but all they wanted was my lust.  Met a boy,  come to find out I was just his toy. I wanted to help his soul,  but instead paid his toll. Being punched in the face, always leaving without a trace.. Left in harm's way, wasted with no Place to stay. Wondering the streets, giving myself to him but never pleased. Crying while we ****, gasping for air the more it struck.. Pillow in my face, cant hear me screams. It was you who ashamed me..  No respect for myself,  no medal to place on the shelf. Falling down to the dirt, clothes stained, blood stained skirt. The cold making me shiver, drinking out of the flask and damaging my liver. Why should I care about my life, here I go to carve myself with a knife..  Blood dripping down my tummy, hatred fills me like a high. All numb cant feel at all. All numb can't feel a thing, the morning doves ready to sing. I am not dead, just hanging my a thread. The ambulance speeding so fast, all I can see is a movie of my past. All stiched up & ready to go, put on your clothes you stupid ***. Here I go to this life I lead to know,  take a seat and watch the show... Dancing for their eyes to see, please god set me free. He took me home that night, my green eyes sparkled full of fright.. He was addicted to me….  Leaving me in the streets, dreaming I was frolicking in the meadows. Touched and abused I was, just so he can get a little pleasing. Breaths filled the air, the *** smell is hard to bare. Watching him smile was a sight.. The nights so dark, its all black. His eyes so plain,  pinning me like a thumbtack. The years passed on by, still living my past as a lie..  I did survive this life, I have now retired my knife. Scars still their, people stare here & their.. I am sad at times, past full of crimes, smiling to all, putting my hands out, breaking my fall.
I would like to share my voice, but its up to me to make that choice. I understand I can write.. Its my passion, But for now I express through this text. I will speak out to those only willing to listen to my story. I don't need sympathy from anyone or petty from others…  I made it to where I am and thats all that matters. Yeah I'm pretty so I've been told, but thats all i have left.. I don't need acceptance from others..  Because beauty is also found within. I don't judge, but I do sin. Being with me comes with glory & paraise but for those who think that being me is perfect and all very glad to be… think once, twice, or three times because let me tell you.. Its not so great to be me. So before you judge or cringe at my presence, understand I don't care because I am stonecold. I'm no longer here to please anyone but to thrill, and speak for what I need to say…