I've been laying in my bed for quite some time now, and as usual I've been thinking. But this time it's different. It's not the happy thinking you'd think I was thinking. But it's the dark thinking that follows me like a shadow. I would never tell you this.
Just like I'd never tell you how I think about the nights we've spent together. Or that I'd never tell you I can't go to those restaurants anymore without seeing you there. How the park isn't a park anymore. How I can't even lay in my bed without thinking of the cuddles and hours we spent talking on it. But I'd never tell you that.
I'll never tell you how much I regret everything. I'll never tell you how I pull up a message to you, but I can't find any words to say so I just cancel it. If you ever text me I'll pretend to be happy, not to hurt you, but to help you move on. If you ever asked me how my day went, they're always slow and dead. I sleep a majority of the time an when I'm not sleeping I'm thinking of what we used to be and I'm crying. But I'd never tell you that, "I'm fine," I'd say. And it would break my f*cking heart to watch you walk away, but I'm the bad guy. So I'd never tell you that.