I always wondered what you thought
when you kissed me
because your eyes always remained shut
as if you did not want to open them
and see that it was me
So I watched you
before, during, after
and sometimes
I thought I saw you smile

I always thought that maybe
you wanted the kisses more
than you wanted me
and I was squeezing into a space
smaller than my body
but I would do,
for now,
and I stopped smiling
just in case

I always noticed how you kissed me
on the cheek
and on the top of my head
and on the shoulder
when I was not looking at you
as if you were trying to break through
and send it through my veins
straight to my heart
and I could not help but smile

I always assumed nothing would change
and the fake love we had
would remain in the dark
of your bedroom with beer in our blood
and we would act cordial
the following week as we sat in class
People would say to me
I didn't realize you two were friends
as they saw you smile at me

I never realized that a day would come
when you would kiss me
when the sun was up
no longer hiding
from the rest of the world
but you did
and afterwards
you didn't do anything but smile