Smoke too many cigarettes;
Turning your lungs black,
Filling your body with poison.
Sick to the stomach.
Thinking too much;
Not thinking enough.
It leaves you feeling
that little bit more,
As you fall to the floor,
Counting steps,
No feeling in my legs.

Knowing that you are
killing yourself.
Too tired to care.

The adrenaline gets you high,
Like a muffled buzzing noise
in your ears
And bleeding in your brain.

They tell me it's expensive suicide,
But I just want to feel alive
Have some substance
to my life.

To be able to feel
the wind in my hair,
And rain
pouring down my face.
Because at night
That's what is keeping me safe .