I'm just a masochistic optimist.
Simultaneously angry at myself for every chance that I missed.
Holding on to dreams that could never come true.
Holding on to my future, the one I dreamed up with you.

I can't savor any taste,
it's all ashes on my tongue.
Bitter laced.
Where once a melody was sung.

Delusions in my head are spun through tear-stained strings and heart-wrenched knots.
All the what ifs and had nots.
How is love is just drawing lots?

Of all the millions and billions of fish in the sea,
I can't believe you may not be swimming back to me.

You were my everything- my home and heart.
You were what I always believed would be both my end and my start.

I just want to feel some other kind of pain.
Pouring down and visible on my sleeves.
Wading through my daily life, shove it down and abstain.  
Anything but this open heart wound, bleeding as he leaves.

One arm in front of the other, swimming in the deepest end.
My legs feel like weights.
I don't wanna move, I wish I could hit send.
My heart just stops and my lips curse the fates.

I'm a hopeless romantic and I feel so ******* frantic.

Just wanna run to you like they do in the movie scenes.
I see the reels on repeat in my daydreams.
I hold on to you and you kiss me back.
Everything is back on track.

I want to hold you close and tell you it's going to be alright.
Those platitudes not enough to make things right.
Maybe I'm just too broken to be held by another.
My clinging caresses only seem to smother.
All my crumbling little pieces just fall between the cracks of your well intentioned hands.
I always failed to meet our life's demands.

But how do you heal someone when you're the one who slid in the blade?
How do you let go when you fear you'll fade?

I want to hold on to hope that our story isn't over yet.
A fresh chapter, a re-write, a reset.

I was your "delicate" flower you would jest.
Now these petals are falling and I feel laid to rest.

I don't feel strong, I only feel weak.
A stem without water, leaning and bleak.

I've lost all my sunshine and my roots cling tight.
I don't want to give up the fight.

I̶ ̶w̶a̶n̶t̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶l̶o̶v̶e̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶.̶
I̶ ̶n̶e̶e̶d̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶l̶o̶v̶e̶ ̶m̶y̶s̶e̶l̶f̶.̶

I̶ ̶w̶a̶n̶t̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶s̶e̶e̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶.̶
I̶ ̶n̶e̶e̶d̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶f̶i̶n̶d̶ ̶m̶y̶s̶e̶l̶f̶.̶

Will we ever-