I made a promise to God that I would not react this way.
I promised Him that I would be strong and maintain a straight face..
Did He know that I was lying?
Could He tell that underneath my sincere apology that I would rather give up than to keep trying?
Because-
I wasn't sincere.
I still had the emptiness clawing at my head- screaming at me, pleading to my heart that I wanted to be dead.
But, that is not what I said.
I promised God that, in the end, I would remember what He taught me.
I would put Him first because He would never leave...
I knew that I was lying.
Did He?
I would rather give up than to force myself to keep trying.