i am exhausted.
sometimes i say things that people never laugh at,
things that people never understand,
things that people never acknowledge.
i am not the person that people
are happy to hear from,
want to see often,
enjoy being with.
after awhile it gets old.
that feeling after i say something
that adds to the conversation,
and no one even acknowledges my presence.
the feeling of a large hand
gripping tightly on your throat.
the feeling from embarrassment,
that heats your body to a thousand degrees.
the feeling of your heart shattering
because no one even noticed you were there.
my eyes start to water,
my hands start to shake,
and then, i freeze.
not freeze, as in temperature,
but as in every fiber in my being
turning to nothing,
and my heart feels broken.
it gets hard to breathe in moments like that.
moments where i pretend to look like i am okay,
and pretend like i am not overly sensitive.
moments where i feel so unwanted,
that i pretend i am not myself.
i hate myself,
and i am exhausted of being me.