I used to think that
if I took my own life,

the plants
would keep growing

and the sun
would keep rising

and the world
would keep spinning
without me in it.



and then I tried it.

I tried to escape
the only way that
I knew how to.



and when I did,

the plants
kept on growing

and the sun
kept on rising

and the world
kept on spinning
without me in it.



but my classes paused
while my teachers cried
at my empty desk

and my friends
didn't go to school
that day, or the next,
or the day after that

and my family
didn't eat dinner
because an extra plate
was put out on the table

and the little girl
who lived down the road
asked her parents why
I never walked by anymore

and her parents
looked at each other
with tears in their eyes
because they knew that
I'd never walk by again

and the cashier
at the bookstore who
barely even knew me
wondered why I didn't
come by that week

and the kid
who once bullied me
blamed himself for
what had happened

and the boy
who never spoke to me
hated himself for never
having the courage to

and my dog
grew old with gray fur
around his muzzle but
never stopped waiting
for me to come home.



I used to think that
if I took my own life,

the plants
would keep growing

and the sun
would keep rising

and the world
would keep spinning
without me in it.



I was right
about all of it.

the world
kept on spinning

but something
was missing

and people
were hurting

and there was a gap
where I used to be.