i try really hard not to cry a lot. and i try to stop myself from thinking about anymore sort of losses. and i try really really hard not to realize the loss my dog is more hurtful than the loss of my late grandfather. because, there's a difference in-between spontaneity and fore-told doom regarding loss. there's a difference between having someone on my bed every night, and the loss of humanity that Alzheimer turns you into. i don't know which one i'd rather choose, another 6 years of knowing they aren't there anymore. or another dead dog.
i just can't i dont even know what i can't anymore. this is just too **** ******* much emotion i don't know how to handle it. i've spent so long being a shell that being filled with anything but emptiness is confounding and not understandable