I drive fast that’s what I do, faster and faster I think brakes are a disaster Driving like a lunatic all of the time A million miles an hour shouldn’t be a crime As I flash past you’ll see just a blur My need for speed has no cure
Any type of road it doesn’t matter Everything I hit is going to splatter Motorways or B-roads or alleys that bend Lanes or cul-de-sacs don’t care if it’s a dead end I am the road king get out of my way You're a goner if into my path you do stray
I rarely have a dent, a dint or a crash Though in my wake I oft hear a smash But one day an obstacle didn’t get out of the way A big rock face, where it was, decided to stay I thought of the carnage I have left in my wake As my car, a mangled mess, the rocks did make
Never bothered with seatbelts, what a mistake As my head hit the rocks it was mushed like a cake Going through the windshield my jaw snagged the dashboard That’s where I left it, as the rest of me went forward, With no way of talking I couldn’t even curse Whatever the car, I would come off worse Out popped my eyes and rolled down the road Oops went my bowels as they did explode All of my organs rolling around in a drum My liver and kidneys shot out my *** PHUNK went my lungs as they gave up the ghost My man bits were crushed, I’d miss those the most
Bits of me hanging from rocks and from trees Dangling from a branch were both of my knees One of my feet was still in the car The other one had landed somewhere quite far All of my guts were splashed in the road I looked like a large and very squashed toad
First came some birds to peck at my eyes Then a raccoon started nibbling away at my thighs Word soon spread of this mighty feast Bits of my body would feed every beast Soon all that was left was gnawed bones and hair I wish I had known that great rock was there.