Sometimes I am sad,
like, really sad
And I don’t know
how else to describe it

Like, everything could be fine,
great even, and then
All of a sudden
I’m not feeling fine anymore

And then my mind goes off
to all the things I should do
But I know
I really shouldn’t

For example,
I was sitting here,
doing homework,
and it hit me all of a sudden

The thought that
I should go up to the bathroom
and purge, again,
Even though I haven’t eaten

And then I thought
That maybe I should
Go up and take my pills
Like more than the lethal dose

But then I thought
Who does that help?
Because then I’m not here
for my sisters

So then I turned
To thoughts of
blades or flames
And where I could hurt that you wouldn’t see

But then I thought of her
and how that’s not fair of me
How my mental illness impacts
everyone else around me

So instead of turning
to all of those dark things
That I use to comfort me
I decided to write poetry