Apr 2020
The world is rough enough, I can’t take it no more.
I’m not that tough you know, I guess I never was to be honest.
My soul is weak to the point of me being overwhelmed by agony.
My future’s bleak, the same as it was back in my childhood days or so I’d like to say.
So scarred am I by life by life events. I cannot even count how many there really were.
But I don’t want to complain. Even the best of soldiers have the ugliest of scars.
Wounded by swords. Wounded by arrows. Wounded by love. That’s the battlefield of today.
Those are the things you have to go through is order to survive. In order to “go on living.”
I fight alone. I fight my own battles. I fight my own wars.
To save my own. Meaning, my memories and my emotions.
I lost my breath today while fighting. That has never happened to me again.
Gosh I’m as scared of death, to death and by death, for as long as I can remember.
To God I speak loudly and clear but it seems to me that..
He’s deaf indeed, I cannot even hear his voice. Maybe it’s too late for me to believe.
True love I seek but will I ever find true love? I don’t think so..
A lover’s plead to the stars, that’s what every beat of my heart is really whispering.
I don’t know what the world is asking from me, I really don’t.
Sometimes I just wish to be left fully alone. I have nothing more to give.
I don’t know if all I want is to want or to not want. But isn’t that a desire in itself?
Will I live forever??? Please say to me that I get to live forever.
Many times when people get to find who you really are, they..
They tend to run away from you as fast as they can, maybe..
Maybe it’s vanity to desire perfection and to strive for ideals.
Maybe all that you really need to do is to just, to just, to simply…LIVE.
Only open your heart to someone who really cares,
And for sure don’t give your heart “just like that” to strangers..
They will use it and abuse it just like the rest of the world will.
Without caring, without any compassion, without any remorse
You are not the only person to be alive you know
(I guess that is my antidote, my cure for selfishness)
You are not the only one who has a right to experience things.
(I know) Yeah but you don’t seem to change your mindset/behavior at all.
It seems to me as though sometimes the whole of reality is just like a big movie
Everybody is playing their role. Unaware that they themselves, are being played too
Forever ****** to want to be somebody else. Denying themselves.
Don’t you see that sometimes too? I mean the movie part of it all?
(Now, tell me, just tell me, what is the secret to living a long, happy and fulfilling life?)
To not care about what others think but to trust them with your life without any second thought.
You see, that was a contradiction because I always tend to speak that way.
I’m elusive, I’m opposed to myself but also united. Fragmented and whole. I am the all-encompassing, ever eternal, [BROKEN & glued again] mirror of life!
I don’t know what the truth is. I guess the only thing that’s true is..
Searching for truth. That is the only “true” path of life. I believe so that it is at least.
And you? What’s your Truth? What’s the truth that you are after? Huh?
Money? Fame? ***? Love? Companionship? God? Or the smell of the essences of the very deep recesses of your own mind’s unconsciousness?
I don’t know if I was always like this.. A deep thinker.
Pondering about mine and other people’s existence for far more than it is “necessary”.
Stretching thought to its very own limits. Letting, leading, and teaching my mind into taking more than it can “actually” take.
I think that’s is my mission here. To find, realize and then express to people, the finer truths of this world. And to rid them. Of their mystery.
That – I believe- is the only thing that matters. Unite the contradictions in yourselves.
And maybe, maybe you will only find that NONE of them, really existed at all.
It’s been my life’s work to try and find words to express the inexpressible.
Attaining the unattainable. Realizing the un-realizable. Touching upon the very elusive “thing-ness” of this world. And yet still up to today, it escapes me.
I’m not that tough you know, I guess I never was to be honest.
My soul is weak to the point of me being overwhelmed by agony.
My future’s bleak, the same as it was back in my childhood days or so I’d like to say.
So scarred am I by life by life events. I cannot even count how many there really were.
But I don’t want to complain. Even the best of soldiers have the ugliest of scars.
Wounded by swords. Wounded by arrows. Wounded by love. That’s the battlefield of today.
Those are the things you have to go through is order to survive. In order to “go on living.”
I fight alone. I fight my own battles. I fight my own wars.
To save my own. Meaning, my memories and my emotions.
I lost my breath today while fighting. That has never happened to me again.
Gosh I’m as scared of death, to death and by death, for as long as I can remember.
To God I speak loudly and clear but it seems to me that..
He’s deaf indeed, I cannot even hear his voice. Maybe it’s too late for me to believe.
True love I seek but will I ever find true love? I don’t think so..
A lover’s plead to the stars, that’s what every beat of my heart is really whispering.
I don’t know what the world is asking from me, I really don’t.
Sometimes I just wish to be left fully alone. I have nothing more to give.
I don’t know if all I want is to want or to not want. But isn’t that a desire in itself?
Will I live forever??? Please say to me that I get to live forever.
Many times when people get to find who you really are, they..
They tend to run away from you as fast as they can, maybe..
Maybe it’s vanity to desire perfection and to strive for ideals.
Maybe all that you really need to do is to just, to just, to simply…LIVE.
Only open your heart to someone who really cares,
And for sure don’t give your heart “just like that” to strangers..
They will use it and abuse it just like the rest of the world will.
Without caring, without any compassion, without any remorse
You are not the only person to be alive you know
(I guess that is my antidote, my cure for selfishness)
You are not the only one who has a right to experience things.
(I know) Yeah but you don’t seem to change your mindset/behavior at all.
It seems to me as though sometimes the whole of reality is just like a big movie
Everybody is playing their role. Unaware that they themselves, are being played too
Forever ****** to want to be somebody else. Denying themselves.
Don’t you see that sometimes too? I mean the movie part of it all?
(Now, tell me, just tell me, what is the secret to living a long, happy and fulfilling life?)
To not care about what others think but to trust them with your life without any second thought.
You see, that was a contradiction because I always tend to speak that way.
I’m elusive, I’m opposed to myself but also united. Fragmented and whole. I am the all-encompassing, ever eternal, [BROKEN & glued again] mirror of life!
I don’t know what the truth is. I guess the only thing that’s true is..
Searching for truth. That is the only “true” path of life. I believe so that it is at least.
And you? What’s your Truth? What’s the truth that you are after? Huh?
Money? Fame? ***? Love? Companionship? God? Or the smell of the essences of the very deep recesses of your own mind’s unconsciousness?
I don’t know if I was always like this.. A deep thinker.
Pondering about mine and other people’s existence for far more than it is “necessary”.
Stretching thought to its very own limits. Letting, leading, and teaching my mind into taking more than it can “actually” take.
I think that’s is my mission here. To find, realize and then express to people, the finer truths of this world. And to rid them. Of their mystery.
That – I believe- is the only thing that matters. Unite the contradictions in yourselves.
And maybe, maybe you will only find that NONE of them, really existed at all.
It’s been my life’s work to try and find words to express the inexpressible.
Attaining the unattainable. Realizing the un-realizable. Touching upon the very elusive “thing-ness” of this world. And yet still up to today, it escapes me.
