i wonder
how long will it take for me to die?
how long will the pain last
in my mind
in my bones.
oh i feel it everywhere,
it reverberates in my body,
my tiny, weak and frail little body.
how long will it persist
in scarring me
front and back.

my mind, a strong fortress.
so full of imagination and thoughts
beyond your wildest dreams,
maybe in them too.
intoxicated with love and adoration
for people and their souls.
their beautiful and intricate thoughts.

but my body
eating itself alive
and rejecting itself.
beating itself with a hammer.
like self harm,
but it hurts both of us.

but i love it so much,
i take such good care of it
i try so hard...
i try so hard to be gentle
and give it all love i can find.
i know no one treats you very well,
but i try so hard.

is it not enough?

am i not enough, again?