I hate pottering around inside my mind With no reason or rhyme, like I'm retired- Poking through cobwebbed corners, Pulling at age-old tablecloths, considering A garden party for me and my little lost smile There in the half-wild, With the sun like messy oil I'll have to wash Out of my hair and clothing when I'm done.
I hate playing docile card games alone, Laying out plans like pictures I'll never colour in- My doughy brain pokes stimulus off the shelf And traps itself in kindergarten daydreams; I fingerpaint endlessly, Defining the world through crayon senses, Crushing, mushing cookies and shaking Clumsy maraca beats.
If only I could lie down in soft rustic flesh Snatching handfuls of it to conceal my skin Finally, finally filling myself in Buried alive for good And be expelled, again, into blazing harshness Choking on the earth that forms my body Crying, crying for hope and fresh presence Coming to life for good.
This is an old poem I've just found and I don't know how I feel about it, but unlike most of them it's actually finished so here it is.