the sun caught in my eyes
and
for a minute i was holding you -
holding your hand,
trembling inside
but still as stone outwardly;
safe,
rooted,

my heart gathered love
like eager hummingbirds
collect sap.

i wanted to tell you
then
how every time you leave
another piece of me goes
with you.

because the truth is

i am and
i’m not
jealous.

really,
it’s envy -

envy
of those who
get to see your smile
every morning
while i dream of a day
when it’s the smile
i wake up to.

in my mind
i’ve already said
those three words but
now
i hold them close
to the heart that beats
for the love of you

the heart you carry
next to yours.