its two in the morning
and i remember the nights when i was 11
and i tried to understand my true nature
and became afraid and confused

because the more i asked why i
felt or thought some thing or way
the less i was sure
that i had no ulterior motives

(this is how i spent my weekends
when i was not comparing
the local colleges-
yes, i was very fun at parties)

i hadn't words for it then
just frustration and shame
but tonight, in the moonlight
i found them

"the world is a story, and we are all nothing more than untrustworthy narrators," i thought
over popcorn and juice

but i was so young, too young
when i started to ponder
what my actions and beliefs
could really mean

i wouldnt say im smarter now
i wouldnt say im more at peace
but really, the best thing ive done done for myself
is forget how to think