How do I explain to you the feeling of
inadequacy when someone loves or compliments?

How do I explain to you the fear of being a disappointment
or not having climbed up to someone's level of expectation?

How do I explain when without warning I am plagued
with self doubt, layered with chaotic-heavy-blues
and harboring insecurities?

How do I explain when I don't want
these thoughts to matter?
when I just want them to be deprived
of care that they die within,
and never surface to my skin.

But somehow like the crashing waves
they envelope me in the depths and like
the black hole **** me from within.