"Dear heart, how do you feel?"

Many times,
you still haunts me in my dreams,
maybe that was the closest I’d ever get to seeing you.

Sometimes,
your absence randomly gives me stabs of pain.

But light slapped me,
"Dear heart, how do you really feel?"
Realization came & hits me hard

The real thing is
I'm done painting some false reality of words I wish you said.
I'm no longer trying because I’m tired of hearing you’re busy.
Those days, do you know how hurt it felt to stared at your phone hoping it would ring as you promised to call only it didn’t? your job is always more important.
I wish you know how hard I tried to stay committed to you from 10000 km apart.
How my faith would be tested
again & again,
but I decided to holding on to what we had
I was 110% yours.
You're always too late & never there.
My soul relieves it's over
because I cannot bear the insecurities, doubts, uncertainty.
I can finally let go of the pain I've got used to.
I'm happier this way.
I will not allow me to be victimized by the nostalgia.
The past was never meant to be resurrected.

--------------------------------------------

But still,
I hope you got flashbacks of me
when you drown yourself on work;
the one thing you think more important than me;
your escape from the crazy things around you,
yes, keep running
clock is ticking, quick
work harder be busy
you don't deserved to be this stress bae
those sadness you keep hiding has turned you become a monster
******* and irrationally mad

It's so you
Your pain has turns into numbness
then the numbness turns to rage
then the rage turns to silence

And when you switch off the computer,
the pain will creeping up
inside your heart remains  dark and dingy,
take a piece of me with you in your heart along the way.