Today I thought of you.
The memories, the laughter,
true moments we shared.
Today I think of you,
knowing that I lost you, maybe forever.
2 years is a long time.
cut-throat to communication.
I wish i could see how you are,
knowing what you're feeling,
but are you alive?
I don't know.

I started a master's degree.
Are you proud?
I hope so.
Even though i'm pushing through life,
I'm so cold and hallow, baring in mind.
Baring in mind everything that's happened
there's been so much more since then.
Yet I can't tell you, open my soul.
I ran. afraid of pain.
Afraid of being damaged more.
I can't take it.
Unbearable.

Today is the day i thought of you.
the first year was hard,
to not think about you.
I was so devestated and mad,
placed in a position i couldn't handle.
why did you do that to me?
why?
I know you were hurting, but i was dying too.
I'm not mad anymore, I promise.
Just disappointed and sad.

I wonder if you think of me.
Then I laugh at how absurd it is.
You were so mad when I left,
I don't blame you.
But I don't think you realised
What was going on inside.
2 years of depression meds, to fill a void.
Development of eating disorders,
consuming everything to hide the numb.
so damaged and alone, nothing helped
Yet you know i would never commit suicide.
2 years of emotionless limbo.
now I'm not bubbly anymore.

I hope you're happy.
Still breathing,
alive.
I'd talk to you again if i could.
Lost touch,
can't find you anymore.
But I atleast hope that you're happier than I.

In this day, I think of you.
I'm sorry, And I miss you.
x