I feel scared to leave my house to go for a walk Because I'm worried I'll get mugged or ***** Any noise in my house sets off The myriad of alarms in every cell of my body Whether I think it's a person or a ghost The fear fills my limbs with electricity I feel anxious about going to the gym alone Because I feel like everyone is staring at me Sometimes I'm afraid to text my ex who's now a friend Because I'm preoccupied with worrying About what they're thinking of me When I work as a delivery driver I won't go into backyards at night Anytime I am around other people I am afraid that they will hurt me So I keep my guard up high Hypervigilant to any animosity But when I think about facing real danger I get extremely overwhelmed If I feel this unhinged by basic life experiences How would I ever survive a real crisis? My fight or flight is set off so often That it's basically become my new baseline I know it's the PTSD that causes it And I know that I can get better But sometimes I just feel so hopeless Because I want to go for simple walks I want going to the gym to be an easy decision I want to spend time with people To connect with people Without worrying that they'll hurt me Or that they secretly hate me I want to live my life wholeheartedly Not constantly in fear of something unseen I want to be able to feel and exist openly And really have a chance to be myself To live a life that makes me happy And I can't do that if I'm constantly Running from shadows and Hiding from reality behind doors and screens I want to break out and be free But behind any and all of my emotions Lies a thick layer of fear And I just keep running