i’m a prisoner in my own mind
it keeps reminding me i’m nothing-
a waste of space.
everyday goes by scrolling on youtube
and instagram
picking on myself while looking at the cam
till it picks on me-
realizing that one more day slipped
while on this hate-spree.
it’s growing inside of me until it’s no longer a part of me
it is me
dozing into nothingness on a tear-stained couch
waking up to it staring at me
and i crouch
in fear
in pain
in hate
anxiety-
society
has a weird way to deal with it
‘if you don’t think about it, it will go away
just stop whining about it every single day’
exercise
seek meditation
no- this is not a disease that can be solved with medication
just stop
stop, please
this is not something that fades away in a day
or something that i- that we- can control
why can’t you see?
it inches down to my very soul
and the more i try to tame it
the more it takes its toll
i’ve come to terms with it
this must be fate
to be so filled with hate that i suffocate
but never
ever
try to set things straight
resort to help
face the things i’ve dealt
instead
i build up a wall around me
happy exterior
glowing tranquility
while on the inside i bleed
of self-loathe
and pity
‘what’s the problem?’
this is the problem.
picking their voices over my own
silencing everything i’ve ever known
it’s hard, see- to cry for help
when there’s no one to hear your yelp
but yourself.
well today
i’m setting myself free
escaping gradually
no more of being trapped in this bird cage
of being filled with some never-ending rage
this time
i’ll voice my own plea
because today
i choose me.