Then I heard, "We've met before. I believe countless times in innumerable lifetimes." She looked at me and said, "Boy, we have already done this. Don't you remember?" And the girl in my dreams said to look inside her eyes but not at her eyes. "There is a way out. I can show you if only you believe me. We can be free," she stated. Can the patterns really ever be broken? "You want temporary pleasure for permanent damage. This will **** you," she said. "Your mental imprisonment is an endless cycle, you broken record," she furiously lamented. "There is pain in everything. Pain in pleasure but pleasure in pain. What is growth without death? What is progress in happiness without change? The ultimate comfort is unknowingly repeating the same cycles over and over again. To enter the uncomfort zone is ultimate freedom." A beautiful dream just a brutal nightmare disguised that replays real events of the past in the mind until I wake up to realize they are no longer mine.

I sit still and she whispers for me to look down as she offers me a hot cup of tea. There is a South Korean woman in a red dress in my tea. She wears a lavender rose through her hair while looking at me. The ocean current pushes the waves to the surface of my mouth. She holds my hand softly, then gives a firm grip.


I am alone in a bedroom and there is a beautiful, but haunting Gregorian chant. I go out to the garden to pick foreign fruit from fences near an old church. I eat the fruit and she tells me to watch her hand. She draws three circles in the air. The first circle is small, the second is slightly bigger, and the third is much larger. "What is this?" I asked her with confusion in my voice. "Chaos," she said in an assuring manner. The circles followed each other surrounding me and going up and down. "But...can you see the order?" she asked me. I just watched them. "To understand the meaning is futile. It is beyond your comprehension. Things happen, you see. Maybe you think they are good or bad. It is just nature. Go with it and allow it. There you will become truth."


This woman wore black, she had pale skin, seductive emerald-green eyes, long and straight black hair, with a face so beautiful is was beyond reason. I could not look away. She directed me with her finger to come with her. We were naked and she kissed me in a dark room with the moonlight striking her body from the window of her bedroom. I closed my eyes and I heard her say, "Now try to find me." I opened my eyes and she was gone. As euphoric as I felt, I wondered where she had gone and if I would ever see her again.


I awoke to the oppressing sunlight burning my eyes. I felt an emptiness like never before. I searched lifetimes looking for her, only to receive hints of her echo. Every time it feels for sure I will meet her, I open the door to the beginning again. So I run and run in dreams. My mind is exhausted.


There she is. I have found her. I wait for her to look at me and recognize me, but she never does. She sits alone crying. I wait and then I leave. Something is wrong. Which is worse, I thought: To be rejected by the most important thing you have ever known or for it to disappear forever from your grasp and live each day and night yearning for it again? If only there was a cure for the mind's obsessions.


I woke up with no recollection of anything or who I even was. My phone was near my head ringing. I looked and it said, "Unknown Caller". Usually I never answer, but something told me to pick up and my curiosity got the best of me. I answered but said nothing. I listened and she said, "I found you," then asked, "What are we when our story ends?" There was nothing but pure silence until she responded with the question, "Now are you ready to be free?" I confirmed and followed her into the darkness.