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Jan 2019
I keep grabbing at everything like they’re the stars
But it’s nothing magical, it’s all but a dark night
A lonely sky, a ******* hole
I don’t want to look at the light of everyone’s life and wonder
Why is my everything so dark

I want to soak up light,
Light from all the cracks I’ve tried to mend
With men who didn’t love me
And wine, so much wine
Salty tears that almost sting the wounds I’ve let stay open
The wounds that are long gone lives that stay alive inside me
I should have let them die, I could have
Instead of killing them, I let them live off my heart
Feeding off my broken love

I am not going to grab at a starless sky anymore
I am going to put every light I’ve ever needed up there
Like none of the men who didn’t love me or the wine that left stains ever could

But what is love if not loved
And how could I love
If I had never known what it felt like to be so much alone
Under the all back everything
I am the one who wants to be the light of my whole life
And I am the one who will love me through all the dark
Shayla Ahrns
Written by
Shayla Ahrns  Bellingham
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