i told him
he can cry
like for a million times
that it's okay
if he feels
to pour out some of his deeds
or to sound like 'un-man'
for a fraction of second
or for hours or weeks .

but he stood fake smiling
swallowing the moist feels
he cared
he thought
both too much I could see.

'i do not like crying'
he repeats
for a million times
in my defeat.