You’re afraid of heights and I of depth The fear of not having anything to fall back onto Or the fear of not having something to stand on no matter how wreck-less you allow your mistakes to be Depth goes in all dimensions, doesn’t it?
It doesn’t stop at deep dark waters It continues its way through my veins Through baseless strength and unstable reasons The look of darkness that finishes into nothingness
It stops at undoubting resilience which I cannot reach
I still like looking into it though, it thrills me A second, a push and it’ll take me to that resilience or into nothingness But it scares you, only because it comes from a height It makes your stomach turn and hands weak Not of what’s inside of that but of what it takes to get there
It was sometime between 11:30 pm and midnight
You’re afraid of heights and I of depth You know, the one that stops at undoubting resilience One which I cannot reach It makes me sick and my chest feels hollow My fingers look for grip And my legs usually shake
But last night I wasn’t afraid When you pulled my hand back as I leaned against the edge of the wall above Thames There was this radiance in your eyes Brown, which people don’t talk about enough when they exemplify the beauty of eyes
Brown, the depth of which I hadn’t faced before But I refused to be afraid of Uncertain if the depth grew with my fingers shaking or your stomach turning
Your brown Of how its succumbed with restlessness when you’re drunk Of concern and constant pressure of not losing control of your shield But still so pure The hue which deepens when you talk about the person you love Repeatedly, because you find words insufficient And of how sometimes you leave traces to the problems you never speak about The colour that grows deeper the more you look into it The colour that nurtures the light of the laughter of the people you care about
The brown that falls asleep in complete innocence Letting down all your guard during so Slowly, part by part The one which looks at me with sub-consciousness when your arms pull me in The gradient that tries to make sure I have company till I pass out The depth of which I don’t know if I’m scared of
2 hours later it was almost 2 am, and
You’re afraid of heights and I of depth You know, the one that stops at undoubting resilience But last night I think I wasn’t afraid There was this radiance in your eyes Radiance bright enough to show me the lighter side of depth
It grew brighter with every acceptance of your feelings And darker with the realization of so A shade darker every time I tried to draw meaning out of it Dark to the hue of your afternoon tiredness As you gently traced delicate lines with your fingers on my back And softly locked our bodies together, your breath warming my neck To no fall, nor any height No stomach turns or shaky legs
It’s way past dawn almost 9am now, My sleep breaks to realizations
You’re still afraid of heights and I of depth But last night your brown carried me away I was still afraid of depths as much as you were of heights It’s just that your brown was almost a glorified one One that gently looked at me with assurance
Your brown Brown, which people don’t talk about enough when they exemplify the beauty of eyes The brown that I looked into as the sunlight illuminated its light Your morning brown Your lightest brown Which hardly lasted a minute The best hue, gradient and gold that it could turn to be Looking around with a blur Only until it grows back to its darkest shade, Deeper than the waters last night Putting your guard back on
It’s way past dawn almost 9am now My sleep breaks to realizations You’re still afraid of heights, and I of depth I’d say you know the drill by now But this morning, the branches of your umber grew back onto me