today my therapist
said I looked happy
she didn't know
about the fresh bleeding lines on my thighs
or the broken spirit I can so well hide

she didn't know that my world was breaking
because I'm always faking
a smile
a laugh
any emotion at all
it all hurts

everything hurts
I can feel my veins pushing through my skin
screaming to be freed
and I free them
and pull down my sleeves
and hide

I've been hidden for so long
I feel "normal"
and even though its horrible
I thought that harming myself
was a standard method
to cope

but unlike me
the people around
feel calm and sound
most don't get washed up on shores
of death and destruction
by endless waves of emotions

and most
don't believe the best way to cope
is to set your blood free
and to give up your hope.