This is to someone I don’t know, but I know what he did.
I want him to know that leaving my mom and me on the hospital bed that night is something I still hold a grudge for.
But I have no intentions of finding you to hurt you.

I just want to know why.

I want to know why you ran away from mom.
Why you let her die with me in her arms.
You left us.
That left me all alone.

I want to know what I did to you that you were convinced to force me to suffer in Hell before I even had a chance to die?
Did you think that I would live to get over it?
Because to this very day, I still cry about you.
I still cry about mom.
I cry about how different my life would be if  I could write poems about you.
Instead of poems of what could have been you.

I just want to know why.

I want to know how you are doing now.
I hope you are living happily wherever you are, whatever you do.
And I only hope you wish the same for me.
And if you honestly did care for me, my birthday wishes would have come true so I could finally see you.
But I don’t even know if you think of me.
But lone Birthday after cold Christmas I can’t help but think how much happier I would be if I even merely had a picture of you.
But I don’t even have any memories of you.

I just want to know why.

I want to know if a life full of alcohol and drug abuse was a life you ever imagined for me?
Did you even think about the future when you left?
Because I’m sure if you knew I would have struggled this much with it you wouldn’t have let it happened…
If you knew, would you have let it happen?
Did you know it was going to happen?
I’m sure you didn’t.
I’m sure you didn’t know the impact on a kid who never saw his dad's eyes.
Who never heard his dad’s voice.
A kid who never felt his dads touch.

But because of you, I cry every night

Wondering if you had no other choice to make.
Or if it was a choice you made.