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Nov 2018
There are moments when I cannot let anyone see beneath my surface,
For what would they say if they knew how deep these waters go?

My smiles are light and airy, full of hope for tomorrow
But how much, about me, do you really know?
Do you see the stillness in my eyes, when she says the things that cause hurricanes below?

You may not notice, but that's the point.
No one should know how my waters run far too deep.
There are far happier people, who live normal lives
What must it be like?

How would it feel to want to live to see tomorrow, willingly, every day, for the rest of my life?
Would my eyes be a little brighter?
Would my gaze find love wherever it chose to roam?
I know not, I may never will--
For these waters run deep.

Pools of sadness that bleed for several leagues each
You cannot escape once you lose sight of the waves
The light can only reach so far, my dear,
Beyond that, it's just my demons and me.

Deep waters don't always run still
This, you will know
If you ever decide to take the leap,
Dare to peer into my dreams,
And discover what lies within my deep.

Thoughts as dark as ebony, urges to hurt the skin that covers me
You know not what lies beneath.
The hatred that fills my lungs as I gaze into a mirror
The hurt at my own innermost thoughts
"You're not ever good enough"
You have no idea how hard it is to shut them out.

I sequester myself away, struggling to stay afloat
But you have no clue how much effort it takes
For me to keep going, day to day.
I sometimes wish someone else knew that my waters run deep
I sometimes wish you knew how deep my love was for you
But then, dear,
I'd be afraid that you would drown.

For, if there is one thing of which I am certain,
It's that I will die a thousand deaths in my own mind
Before I let anyone (least of all you)
Know the extent of my dark.
I can't always control my depression to work for me, but when I do, I channel it into poetry.
Written by
Ariel  20/F
     Makayla Jane
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