Six foot four,
Two hundred and sixty pounds.
I see your shaven neck
On strangers bodies
And I’m back there.

Right back where I can’t feel my hands
Alcohol spilled on my dress
Your hands are somewhere
And I am dead.

But, I already was.
You didn’t know that you were into that.
*** with dead souls.
Unfortunately my body was alive.

A causal day, ruined.
Brought back to that night
Just because of some mans
shaven neck.

I can feel the ache still.
Stomach churns
Anxiety chills
I did it again.


Then I remember other nights
Nights that I fought back
Nights that I was passed out
On some mans bathroom floor.

I can hear your laugh
And still feel your hands fight me
And hearing you say “just stop, you want this, you do it with everyone else”.

Skin feels like it’s not connected
to my body.
And breathing gets hard,
But not you.

Because you’re not here.
Not you, not the other men either.
And I’m back to today, in line,
Getting lunch.

And I am alone.
But I am not dead anymore.
Flashback is done
Now to eat a salad.