it hurts to know i hurt you
to me i didn't see the damage done, damage unsaid and so
i said nothing
did nothing
again, my ignorance slight of handed me.

i let my own pride get in the way of my own mind
i thought i could do more than i realistically could and in the end
like it always does for me it seems
it all came crashing down
and so it turns out i left you there

feeling hurt.
dejected.
bruised by my own behaviour because i didn't know it hurt so much
i didn't know.

i see now what i have done
and that means now i can work on fixing it
work on healing wounds and drying tears
this time whether they be yours or my own
i pledge myself to be a better man tomorrow than i was today.

it feels like conflict's fire is caused in our sparks
let me reassure you this is not to be true.
around us lays a world that is crushing us down with weight neither of us imagined
deadlines; people; parents; 2018 as a whole.
they push us and push us and push us into our little corner until we lose it
and until we burst to each other.

i need you to see that love is not perfect and nor am I.
equally i need you to see that i am trying my hardest to be the perfect man and whilst i may never be there
******* do i want to try for you.

because when it comes down to it
you
you are the one i want.
you taught me what it is to listen and what it is to care.
you taught me warmth and love and happiness
you make me so happy.
i takes a special person to make me laugh at a time where it feels like my mind is a storm.
to help me cry through the laughter as to let that storm peak by for one moment.
it takes a special girl for that.

and you're my special girl.
you're my little angel,
you're my winter wonderland queen to whom i want to share the throne.
i saw stars in your eyes in that cinema and no matter how dark your mind was or how bleak the world is not once did i see those stars dim.


and so they say true love is something to work for
its a mutual understanding to be better for each other.
to work for love on days where it easier to talk over.
my hope is that with some work and time. we'll have our dream.
we'll have our winter wonderland and wooly white odd socks
with my odd socks wonder next to me.

i cannot promise that i won't make mistakes
i cannot promise that i'll never hurt you again.
because truth is I'm human.
but i do promise that i will try every day forth to be a better person today than yesterday. for you.
i promise to work on the mistakes i make, and to learn from them, to be better.
My words only go so far and as such ill show you

i promise that one day, we can be happy.
in a time of our own. peaceful love. in a place we call home.
and where i promise i will help you work out of those  feelings you're trapped by
ill hold your hand through every single dark cloud because i know that you're worth it.
i know that we're worth it.
and so if true love is the understanding and commitment to making sure love stays true even when the forces of the universe tell it to vanish
i pledge myself to uphold this.
i promise to continue making sure love is here with us even when it feels easier to let go.

in short
i'm sorry. i promise to be better for you. i promise to work on true love so that one day we are free.
we will be free.
it will be okay.
and all i ask is you work along side with me.