I feel sick, I'm laughing and crying while I'm talking to you
it's like the void in my heart isn't so gaping and huge
anymore. It's like my hearts trying to escape my chest it's like are we friends or are we what
yet?
It's like I can't breathe but I haven't felt this okay in so long
and I'm sorry that I ever left and I'm sorry I was wrong but now you're the same but you're different and you're you but you're not and I've got new tattoos and your hairs not in knots and

I'm just so lost.
I'm just so so lost.

You call me bro like some girl you just met at some party that you can't stand the way she talks
and when you walk away I wanna scream stop, please stop
stop
I need a moment to collect myself
I never got rid of the things
they sit hidden in different parts of my shelf
and pictures between book pages so maybe one day I'll find them accidentally, what a funny way to deal with my heart breaking over and over again uncontrollably.

I don't know what's going on
I'm usually so calm and collected
Maybe it was the song we sang
or maybe I'm just at my wits end.

You text me again,
my best friend.