The savior The perfect partner The dominant The free spirit The fiancé The parental substitute The anarchist The sweetheart The nice guy All of these aspects of myself Yet none of them are fully me These are the roles I've fallen into In order to match my various partners And though all of these may be Different components of me None of them feels quite whole I do not feel whole
All of these personalities Exist on a spectrum of time and space None interacting with any others Each signifies a distinct point in life Each has its own home It's own experiences Attitudes and viewpoints Behaviors and habits
Yet what do I do when Two of my contextualized selves Decide to overlap? When my ex who knew the fiancé Moves back to town where I live As does my person Who's heard stories of the others But who only knows the nice guy
How do I begin to heal when I do not understand what is real And what existed solely for others? How do I continue to grow When the fiancé is fighting restraints And the nice guy is exhausted The sweetheart does not exist And the anarchist screams for revolution?
They seem to be fighting each other Just to have a chance to breathe A chance to take the wheel A chance to control "me" Yet who even am I? Are all of these selves fabricated Or are they hyperbolized aspects of me Connectable like puzzle pieces Into one beautiful picture?
The problem is The picture I see is not beautiful I'm trying to be nice to myself But all I see and feel is darkness I am an abomination An evil person who cannot be trusted A dark soul inhabiting an empty body A person who is not a person A human with a lack of self It's almost like I'm not even alive But even death would be a relief So I can finally end the confusion And stop hurting people along the way