when I was 18 I went to a funeral for a man I didn't know with the guy I was living with at the time
the body wasn't there
it was supposed to be a celebration of life
this man had no kids
no wife
but he had a brother and a sister left behind
his siblings both went up and made a speech about him
and as tears rolled down their faces and photos flashed behind them on the screen
I lost it
I could imagine what it would be like to be at my own siblings funeral
up at the podium trying to make jokes about their younger years
I sat in this chair trying so hard not to make any noise
choking back tears that I had no idea where they were coming from
I guess I just felt so much empathy for these people that it made me cry with them
I got up quickly and went into the bathroom and let myself cry really hard for 30 seconds and then washed my hands and wiped my eyes and went back out to sit down
everyone knew I had been crying and no one said anything to me about it except my boyfriend at the time who asked
"Why are you crying, you didn't even know him?"
I shook my head and replied
"because they're so sad. I don't know. It made me sad too."