Let the record stand I wanted only happiness.
I dreamed of a job I could enjoy
A lovely woman to warm my bed and heart
And a circle of family and friends to laugh and confide with
THAT IS ******* IT
And every time I had even a taste of that life
Or even one of those wishes
I was set
I was happier than the richest of the rich
And every time I felt complete
Something was taken from me
Something was ripped from my grasp
And in front of my face
It was dragged away
I dare anyone call me bitter, or selfish
After everything that’s happened
Call me petty
Call me ungrateful
(If I’m selfish, what does that make you?)
I assure you, I don’t enjoy hating myself
There is some evil I deserve I’m sure, but this is ridiculous
Lucky for me, I’m running out of things to lose
The more I try to do things right,
The more they go wrong
I know I’m to blame for most of my setbacks
But I’ll be god ****** if you try to tell me
It’s my fault every time life threw me a pile of ****
And dares me to walk through it
There’s no way you can say every hardship
Every godlike punishment
Every painful wild card
Can somehow be traced to something I did, or didn’t do
I ain’t buying it
And I’ll be god ******
If I’m gonna beg for anyone else’s attention or love again
I just don’t have it in me anymore
Why is every choice I make the wrong one?
If I seem distant
It’s because too much has been pulled from me
By too many who didn’t deserve or appreciate it
What’s left is hidden deep
Locked far, far away.
In fact I’ve hidden it so well
I forgot where I put it
I’d love to shake this angst away
But I’m afraid if I pulled it off now
My skin would go with it
It is what it is, loneliness is a *******
It’s getting harder and harder to hide it
Tell me I’m not lonely, and I’ll tell you a better lie
(Tell me it gets better, even if it is a lie)