Another anger filled screaming match transpired today
He wonders if I'm serious about running away
I'd sail all seven seas to rid myself of the cries and the pleas that haunt my waking dreams
Although I'm dramatic
And often problematic
I somehow use my words to my advantage
In order to manage the situation
I mold you like clay
Hoping that one day you'll love me the same way I love you
But it's not true
I'm just lying to myself and protecting my mental health before breaking down
and falling to the ground
Crying and yelling my eyes are swelling with tears of the pain I've felt all these years
And our happy times out weigh the sad but when will the good days out number the bad?
I'm struggling to find my place in your no vacancy heart
I try to express myself to you through this art
But somehow the words slip through the cracks and roll like water off a ducks back
In one ear out the other
I wonder how my words don't completely smother you
And I do what I can so I craft every plan but they fall apart eventually
I don't know who you and I are meant to be but I worry
I can't understand whether you reach out your hand to hold me or hit me
Your words always bit me in a way that couldn't be healed
With each little fight your motives are revealed and I wonder how long you'll put up with me
The soot from our erupting explosive endless fights keeps me coughing in pain and lungs burning each night
Help me to see what I'm doing wrong
Because it's clear I'm confused and taking too long to figure out what I want from all of this
Whether or not your presence is bliss
I need more time to figure you out because in the same moment I'm filled with self doubt
Give me a second to recollect my thoughts
I'm trying my hardest to reconnect the dots
I need to take a really deep breath
Before making a mistake and dancing with death