I lay here,
Beaten and defeated.
Losing hope like its blood rushing out of me.
As i seek shelter from this feeling,
I find comfort.
Love,
At least i know that i can feel,
It's better than breathing.
I find comfort in the same thing that is killing me.
Defying the line i crossed many years ago,
I promised to never feel this way again,
But even broken promises hurt.
I started breaking promises before i started breathing,
Or my heart started beating.
Before i could walk,
I could think.
I could think of everything that is wrong with me.
That list goes on and on,
And as i lay here,
Thinking of everything wrong with me.
I decided to give up,
And with giving up,
I became happy.
I gave up in trying,
Breathing,
Feeling.

I gave up feeling,
Without feelings
I can breath,
I can walk.
I walked back into those lines i defied long ago.
And that's where you were.
I woke up on the hospital bed,
Half beaten,
Dying.
I laid there feeling alone.
Every single feeling came rushing back.
No one came running back at the sound of my heart beat,
Or my gasping voice.
You didn’t care,
When you saw me lying on that cold hard ground on that unpaved road,
You didn’t help,
You saw me at my lowest state,
Yet you didn’t love me then.
My broken heart yearns for you.
Yet you don’t want me even breathing around you.



I never learned to live without that feeling.
The feeling of betrayal,
Hopelessness,
Brokenness.
I forgot how i felt so at home in these feelings.
After losing you,
I felt alone.
Barely alive.
You crawled under my skin and made me uneasy.
Every day the unbearable pain you gave,
I couldn’t feel the same.
This hospital sheet itches at me like you words cut through my walls.
You made me uneasy,
Every thought of you killed me inside.
With every thought i became more and more careless.
It was like hell,
But on Earth it felt worse.
No one care enough to save me from this place i came into.