When I was younger
My mother told me
"Some get it hard
Some get it easy."

My father would say
"Do not back off
Try until you must
And never stop."

As I grew older
I realised my mother was right
I was the one who got it hard
The one who was conflicted despite

My God, my Dear God
How many times do I have to fall
Lose my faith a billion times
And come back yet feeling so small?

Each day I fought a battle
Sometimes with my mind
Sometimes with my heart

Why do I, the most vulnerable
Feel like the whole weight
Is always on my feeble shoulder?

My brain is a wreck
My soul is an empty apartment
I must tell you
It does not feel good to be on this side of the door

You see -on this side of the door
I am never okay
But how must you see me as the weakest –
When you can't see what happens here

When I close the doors
I can finally be myself
The one with that heavy burden on a weak heart
Calming it down, I play my part
"It's okay. It's okay. It's okay. It's okay. It's okay."


#But it's not okay..#