Words
They elude me
They make me beg my brain
For access to my own vocabulary
When they seem to go missing
It feels like my inner dictionary
Is closed and on holiday

I wished to always have words to say
I wish I could always put down my thoughts
To be able to see what goes through my mind
To be able to decipher how far I've gone with seeming normal

I wished for words
And then they came
For days on end
It was like being possessed by a friend
The words never ceased
And yet contrary to my rationals
The ache in my heart never eased
The main goal was to rid myself of this disease
Slowly eating up the depths of my soul

I decided to move on from words
They didn't seem to be helping
So I prayed for actions
To be able to show how hurt I was
How dead I felt
And to prevent another from drowning
In this mud pit that wouldn't let go

It worked
I found a stranger
With an inner struggle
He made a move
To trust me
I made a move
To care
And so we forged a friendship
And saved ourselves from death.