"and indeed there will be time
to wonder 'do i dare?'
...
do i dare
disturb the universe?"
i could wreck it all with the same breath it would take
to ask about his day, or tell him there's something in his teeth,
or suggest a new song.
and this power is deafening.
do i dare wake the gods?
surely they will want to see this,
this unraveling of my stability
(it does not matter that the "stability" was killing me)
they have such a cruel interest
in the blossoming and withering within my heart.
they tend the garden one minute and burn it the next
and they revel in watching the flames
and i think i do too.
i sit on the edge of a humbling world and waste time.
"and indeed there will  be time...
there will be time to ****** and create....
time for you and time for me"
but every second i deliberate i lose my resolve
and i resolve to bite my tongue
and get used to the taste of my blood.
i wait and deliberate and deliberately hurt myself
(old habits die hard) and i still can't swim
and i think this is drowning but it's just a puddle--
is this the way i go out? in a shallowness of my own making?
do i dare do i dare do i dare
step into the forest primeval and wreck it all
i know hope is useless but
something is telling me that maybe there will be time
for "affection that hopes, and endures, and is patient"
for a sigh of relief and what i so deeply desire.
he is all that i want
and the air that i breathe and i would hold my breath if he asked
and maybe i should hold my breath and tongue
do i dare do i dare do i dare
i'm toeing the line and there will be time
but i think i should just jump