all too frequently there are days you could spew the most blatant lies “George Washington never existed” “Two plus two is twelve” “I love you for you” “There’s no reason to rebel” and I’d believe you It’s not that I’m gullible it’s that I’m stubborn. I have to be right but I’m full of self doubt. So when I can’t believe my thoughts and I think I’ve forgotten my name you can tell me I’m bad and I’ll take all the blame.
I know nothing. I believe not at all.
I could recite you all the qualifying characteristics in the diagnostic statistical manual volume five for depression and narcissistic personality disorder I can explain clinically chemical dependency and I can recite the twelve steps from memory. Hell, I remember some math formulas and my teacher’s name from fourth grade but say “tell me about yourself” and all certainty will decay.
I know nothing. I believe not at all.
Karl Marx said religion is the ***** of the people I never believed in god maybe that’s why I turned to the needle. You’ll say everything happens for a reason which in my proper mindset I won’t believe in but blaming my overt destruction on third party destiny I know deep down is false, but so comforting to believe.
I know nothing. I believe not at all.
Did I love you? Did I even feel at all? It doesn’t even matter it was still me that took the fall. I still have no self-assurance or any concept of who I want to be no god, no friends, I beg no lover will figure this out for me.
Maybe this is who I am, metamorphosing ghost with a crooked smile shaping who I am today knowing it'll all be gone before I can say I know I believe what my brain is telling me not so desperate to please no longer begging on my knees for the false ideal of certainty because I’ll know I know with confidence the simple facts;