Just fading, fading in and not out. A wide eyed, glazed stare. Looking so deeply, at nothing. Loving deeply, loving intensely.
I must be insane. So clearly, so erotically,    insane.

Thinking you'll be here. Waiting for the call. Your words. A surprise, to wake up, to see you, to see you want what isn't there. For it to be fulfilling, and to be my satisfaction.
Wanting to say no, I'd say yes, and then always asking myself why.
So intensely, so lovingly, so delusional.    so insane.
Like when you're tired. So sleepy, you nod your head. As if it were 50 lbs and you keep driving anyway. The second your eyes close longer than the average blink, you burst out of the trance as if electrocuted. Startling yourself, ******.
So angered at the mere thought of falling asleep at the wheel. No harm done, but still shook by where you almost were. The point you almost reached
I'm done wanting the ring. The sound of the phone. The regret and hope in the tone. Your voice can be heard by another, but not me.
I want to love myself, as much as I've loved the idea, of love.
I heard if i love life, that it will love me back.
What if I'm done expecting anything in return,
Could I still, love life
What if I just let life do whatever it feels,
And I take care of the love part, for myself.