What would it take for me to feel real?
Maybe money or someone that for me would kneel.
What would make me happy?
A university degree or just chocolate toffee?
I see people finding their way and everything stays strangely in order.
Maybe I have to sign a contract or just to cross the country border.
I'd feel content if I knew how to paint, how to write or how to do a speech
or simply it would make me want to escape to a quiet beach.
My head finds places, feelings and people that seem surreal
and I watch the sweet alyssum die while I skip another meal.
A simple but terrifying question burns my mind,
will I always feel so empty even if all of it I tried?
If it is all pointless in the end, what is it then to be living?
I refuse to exist in automatic but does life have any meaning?