Though words fail to be found there is a fire burning between my ribs. Fed up and tired of the way my life is coming undone, I rage and depress at the same time. I'm sick of friends who will claim to be there for me then turn around and blame me for being the way that I am. I don't need anyone's judgement because believe me, I give myself more than enough. I'm sick of the way everyone I fall in love with already has another man in their life which results in either me being a homewrecker (because nothing stays in the dark forever) or another burnt ******* bridge I light up. How many women have said  I deserve to be loved by someone special then they disappear on me? Five? Ten? Twenty? **** it. How about the practical joke that is my faith? I claim Jesus as my savoir and still I live in the darkness, refusing to step into the light because I'm scared shitless of being exposed. Yeah, I follow God while having X amount of affairs, a total *** addict. I post this rant and rave because I simply cannot control my emotions anymore. I don't trust myself. I don't trust anyone. I just want to die alone and be alone. I don't know what I am doing. I just want to let it out.