My teacher once asked “ What’s your definition of anxiety?”
Everyone around me raised their hand and I
I... lowered my head.
I wanted to raise my hand but anxiety told me not to
It told me not to because the popular girl in the front of the class
Surrounded by all her friends
Might laugh at a loser like me
I’m not a loser but anxiety makes me feel like i lose
In any situation that I’m in
So that makes me.. a loser.
Anxiety is me struggling to fit in all the places
I know i’ll never fit in at.
It’s me putting on my skin tight jeans with my converse
Because that’s what all the other girls are wearing.
Anxiety is me crying at 3 in the morning because the kid
I like won’t talk to me, even though I’ve never spoke to him.
I’ve never spoke to him because every time I walk up to him
My anxiety throws a rope around me and pulls me back
Saying you are not good enough for him
And I start to wonder if I am even good enough for myself.
Anxiety makes me wonder if i’ll ever be capable of loving someone
Because I can’t love myself the way I need to be loved.
And that makes me scared to love.
I deleted this poem 5 times because my anxiety told me
No one would read it.
“Anxiety is like a toddler.
It never stops talking and it
Always tell you, you’re wrong.
And it wakes you up at 3 a.m”
That is my definition of anxiety.