I'm sorry,
I'm so sorry.
I wasn't thinking again
I didn't mean to hurt you!

I wanted exactly the opposite!
I just wanted you to be happy...
Why does nothing ever work like i think it should?!

I don't want to hurt you,
I don't want to argue with you
I just want you to be happy,
Even if your happiness doesn't include me.

But when i try to leave
To make sure i'm not in the way
We always end up fighting.
Or arguing.
Or ignoring.

And it always makes me feel like crying.

I don't want to play the victim card,
Because i'm not the victim.

I get jealous, but i won't admit it.
I want your attention all the time.
But that's not okay.
I get frustrated.
I feel threatened.

I don't want to lose you to anyone.
And that clouds my judgement sometimes.

I can be such a ******* **** sometimes.
I read over our old messages and i look at things i've said.
I wish i could go back in time and slap myself.

I feel hurt because i feel threatened.
So my first thought is to run away from or hurt you?
What kind of idiot thinks that way?!

I don't want to leave you like everyone else has
But i've left people so many times it just seems like an automatic reaction.
And i want to change that,
I don’t want to be “that” guy forever.

Especially not to you,
To the one i care about.
If anyone deserves an apology
It’s you.

I can’t bear to hurt you, but i don’t know how to stop
So instead i just talk and talk and talk
Where are the actions?
I wish I knew
I’m all bark no bite

What kind of man does that make me?
Am I man or am i mouse?
Mouse without a doubt.
But you are worth so much more than this rat that i am
You deserve someone strong,
Man or woman.
You deserve someone who can protect you
And love you
And help you
And support you
And make you laugh and smile
When you feel like you can’t

I honestly don’t think that I’m that.
And it upsets me
And i get jealous
And i feel threatened
Because all around me that i see
Are people trying to come between you and me.

But I’m backing off
I’m letting this drop
I’m leaving you be
So you can go fly free
And I’m apologizing
Because it’s all you respond to
It’s all i can do.

So it’s all i will do.
I wasn’t taught anything else.
So I’ll do this and hope it helps.