In a certain version of life you are full.
Fulfilled in what ever you do
Full of a certain kind of in comparable joy
Life blooms around you
Life thrives as long as you are existing.
Every one feels like their lives are and have been made whole
As long as you are involved in that life.
In that version of life...
You feel whole yourself.

This is for those who have never known this moment.
Of course they have moments of it in their heads
They get to zone out in buses or on planes
Looking out windows and imagining that all is well
That all can be well.
Imagining life as they wish it was.
It is sad and empty and terrible yet binding.
In those moments all is well
Split seconds.
Moments in time.
Moments out of their imagined dull existence
Those get to be lived in a better place created in their minds.

I chose to stand on the other end every day
If it was possible every time
But this now  real version is so demanding
Feeding must happen all the time.
The body demands too much in this version
From cleaning to feeding
Protecting when it is in danger
Or treatment when it is ailing.

I chose to see a new version
Where both can exist without one tearing the other apart
Its not being needy or hard to please.
Its wanting to take this feeling away
This feeling that is so burdening and consuming
This endless need to see life from a different perspective.
A perspective where you love here and now
Not because you want to
But because its what is happening
And there are no other options
Gaps for wishing otherwise.
Or days you grad moments and want to hold onto them.

I long for a version where i do not have to feel empty
Or pretend to be fulfilled.