backwards progress like the clock has lost it's purpose & decided to join the circus
**** it--
the effort has been perilous and i thought it would be alright just to hear your voice and feel your love and remember what we were working for but i'm stressed and nervous and what if i was wrong and we can't do this and it's just a solo road ahead until the landscape becomes smoother i just don't know--
i want to believe it's going to work out, but i'm expending energy on it that i don't have to expend worrying when i dragged myself through the grocery store after work and bought yarn, the simplest of tasks were the most soul-wrenchingly exhausting & i want to go to bed--
is this what we need? would you be better without me? would i be better without you? it hurts me to even ask since i'd like to believe i know what love feels like but then maybe i'm not a good example--
there's this place in my head far away, my higher self lives there in this magic forest, Totoro and i could be kindred spirits of thick, moist forest air that rejuvenates the soul just to smell the abundance, the lust for everything & want for nothing--
i'd like to say things are getting easier
but i don't know much these days--
Spirals can be painful when you can't find the end.