i think my demons are feeling replaced.
the things they would normally communicate to me
are coming out of the mouths of those i am forced to surround myself with.
you can't be convinced of something you've already accepted.

i used to pray for the voices to stop
but ever since they've been quieted by those around me,
i've decided that i'd rather have the voices--
the lesser of two evils.
it's ironic, isn't it?
like how i crawled into my bed last night and cried,
"i just want to go home"
until i fell asleep.
am i supposed to feel disappointed every time i wake up?
i shouldn't feel like a stranger in my own skin.

lately i've been struggling a lot
in this sea of anxiety.
it's hard to float with bullet holes in your back.
maybe that's why i've been drowning
for as long as i can remember.

just pull me under.
please.
j.c.