I admit
most times
I don't know what I'm doing....


Traded one
for something that refuses to grow
no matter how much
I tried to nurture it,

how did I figure it'd work,
when every part of my being
was screaming ; 

 "girl don't you do IT".

I did it....

I felt
I hadn't any choice,
I lost it all already
and
seemed the course
was set for me
with out me
making up my mind .

I did it....

I should of reconsidered

but for what and for whom?

I was alone
longing and now

I'm stuck,
trapped

longing  
for protective arms
to hold me
stead of
pushing me away.

Pointing fingers
constantly accusing
but
never to touch me
gentle or rock my body
slowly
with any affirmation of love,*

not your love; yours is toxic,

hurtful
demanding

manipulative,
and
always has me crying....  

   still......

I did it.

Now
I have nothing left
but regrets
more broken promises and this....

This

wedding ring.