Caught up in a cacophony
of curses and the tragedy
of forgetting that You love me

I wring my hands tight
with every single fight
that I watch myself lose again
and again
and again
and again
and my sin
whispers words that
fall like anvils dropped from
the empire state building
and that cacophony gets that much louder.

And I come to find I certainly lack the power
to do anything that seems even of the slightest
worth
to me, to you, to every friend that I threw
away
because those anvils that hit me yesterday
hit me just a little too hard and
I don't want to get hit again because
I just might die next time.

My memory offers me nothing but unrest as my
conscience is put to the
test that I keep forgetting that I was supposed to study for
and it's easy to blame it on the dog because it ate my textbook
or at least I say that because I don't want to look
at the words of life that I come to find only condemn me
for all the things I know I was supposed to do right the first time.

You know,
there was a song You sang to me
the day we met for the first time
a resounding sound so sublime
a melody of mercy and love
washing white all I had ever done
and somehow by some incredible mystery
you won my heart then.

But now all I seem to do
is wonder why I can't hear the melody
only ever feeling guilty
that the grand staff where you wrote that song
strikes nerves instead of chords
leaving me feeling depressed, broken and even bored
and around the song you've composed an impossible score
that I'm sure I could never perform
well enough to feel like I was worthy of Your love.

But the person you sang that song to back then
I'm pretty sure he hated you
only longing for his sin
that he was head-over-heels for
a nightmare he said was his best friend.
He had broken all the rules
Spent his youth trading treasure for fools
gold that he dug up
and buried the truth in its place
He cared nothing for mercy
And felt no need for grace
I still remember very well that he even spat in your face but that person...
You still took his place.

Instead of striking him dead where he stood
and pouring out all the wrath you could
It would have made so much more sense
to take his life
To make him, to make me pay the price

I mean, You never did anything wrong
It should have been me, but in that song...

The lyric rings, "Jesus paid it all."

Oh Lord, how I long
that the cacophony
be drowned out by Your symphony
that I would hear every curse
Reorchestrated to instead sing of mercy
That every anvil that falls
in a hope to fell me
would cast into the infinite sea
of grace where my body was buried
and it was!

The old me is dead and done
only a memory and no longer
what I'm doomed to become
because the price You paid

I confess, God, it's enough.